~

the trees have caught fire
again with the slanting light that curves
as the sun sighs behind the mountains into the sea
that rolls through my chest,
settles with the wordless whispers
of the fleeting purity of white
foam
trapped air in water, it laughs in white
as it escapes to its origin, the sunlight
kissed air
that smooths the hair of the child
tucked into bed ten layers of years inside me
and when she laughs i forget
the rough sand so far from sea
that grinds into crevices and refuses to leave
the child grins and blows
every grain away
and every joyless word seems callous
and every black pain despairing
and every laugh is present
and every love lives
'it is no longer i who live, but Christ in me'
today i feel
well today i feel like Christ is a child
wrapped in my arms, under the folds
of a soft layered sleeve
He smells like musty flowers and warm milk
and His fist wraps around my finger
fragile Body curled trustingly
and His
Innocence
sanctifies me
who should be chosen to protect Him
and i understand
the heart of a child as the door to heaven
mother mary, pray for me
to know as you knew

"motherhood" by arianne lequay

these are the faltering words
that try to sanctify the despair i've written so fully here in the past
to remember, to show, that life is really, truly, beautiful, full, real. sometimes i get sad, and sometimes i am joyful. i am writing to show that - well - we can't always be hanging onto the past, or looking to the future. our hope comes from the reality of Christ's presence in our humanity, in every moment - in our despair and in our joy, in our hope and in our darkness, in our peace and friendship and work and play. maybe hope (this is, after all, a blog that ultimately seeks to write about hope) - maybe hope isn't about knowing that one day, in a life to come, there will be pristine joy, but about knowing that right now, right now, something lies beneath whatever we are thinking, feeling, dreaming, hoping, or despairing about - something so beautiful and radiant, that all we need is this one moment to sustain our complete existence. God hides so we will seek Him, an expert in Love. He is here. a Hope fully real, fully present, in every single moment of our existence, beneath every feeling, a Reality that sustains our Being, and the Being of every single soul we encounter today. recognize Him in you and in those around you; hope in Him, and love Him, and then you'll find joy.